Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
