dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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