i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
