ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
