that's an acceptable place to lick
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
