I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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