Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
tell me about the fingering
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