Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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