He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
