she was so not down for the gang bang
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
