Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
