I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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