Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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