She's never allowed to turn 21 again
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
