Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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