does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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