Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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