you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
