3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
