well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Randomize
