If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
