Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
