im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
