I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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