So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
the liver wants what the liver wants
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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