he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Randomize
