he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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