you turned your livingroom into a bong?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
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