you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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