My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
