then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
