I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
