Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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