i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
