Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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