Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
