If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
