I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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