Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
