awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Randomize
