I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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