if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
