After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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