he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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