Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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