Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize