So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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