I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize