A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
