I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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