i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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