Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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