yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
