i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
