the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He felt like a one man threesome
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
