no, he came in my armpit
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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