dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
