it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
