i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Quick, to the slutcave!
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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