I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
