I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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