i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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