I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
did you just send me my own nude
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
