Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
how drunk are you?
Several
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
