she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
