yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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