I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
