Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize