Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
