Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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