so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize